LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your cock deserves a montage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
