im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
