so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
