There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
