I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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