Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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