i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
