I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have aggressive nipples.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
