I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
