So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nicole vs. Life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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