Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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