So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
