i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
