one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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