I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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