Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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