do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
