So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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