Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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