How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
