Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
