Cold hands, warm shart.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
