How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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