Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
