I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
