he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
