Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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