I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
