I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
