i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
