I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
