i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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