Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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