Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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