I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
