she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
