i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
