dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
