Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
