Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
