He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
