I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
