if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
