i jhust puked up my retainher.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
