Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
