There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
