I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
