xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't turn off my feet"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
