There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
