His pubic hair was longer than his dick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
