I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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