If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
