I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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